So you’ve decided to pay for some sexy time

Whether it’s a spontaneous trip to a naughty massage parlor or a meticulously planned epic evening out with someone professionally sexy, these tips should help you secure and enjoy the erotic provider of your dreams

Congratulations! Since many important people in my life rely on income generated through “adult” labor, I endorse your choice. But as with all of life’s opportunities, there’s a right way to do it and a wrong way.

Use the internet. There are many, many outlets featuring hot folk for hiring, and there are good people on all of them, so I can’t recommend one over the others. (“Good” meaning honest, but also skilled at their labor.) Use your noodle-the head one-when it comes to selecting whom to contact. If someone has high-quality pictures and the body of a top underwear model but only asks for $150 an hour, you should probably be suspicious. Bait-and-switches are common even on sites that charge hundreds of dollars per ad, but if you use common sense, you should be able to avoid these. (Speaking of that, if you discover the person at the door isn’t the person in the ad, you should probably leave no matter how life-threateningly horny you are. Dramatic misrepresentation is a red flag for further dishonesty.)

Don’t waste their time. It’s normal to feel uncertain or nervous about your decision, especially if you’ve never done this before. Meeting a stranger in intimate circumstances can be intimidating, and you might have concerns about the legality or the stigma around what you’re about to do. But don’t be the guy emailing without a sincere intention to book. He or she might humor you if you’re playing interested but hard to get, and obligingly try to convince you they’re the one you want. But there’s also a chance the worker you’re interested in will decline to see you or blacklist you-time-wasters are universally reviled among all stripes of sex workers-and you can be sure that if you do eventually follow through, they’re going to show up already annoyed and expecting you to be as obnoxious in person as you’ve been in their inbox.

Take time to do your research, and be confident about whom you’d like to meet in advance of contacting them. If you have a question that would make or break your choice to schedule, and that information isn’t already available to you, you can ask: Do you have any tattoos? If I cover the cost, would you be willing to arrange a hotel? But make it brief and thank them for their time in your first communication.

Not every sex worker is willing to engage in every conceivable sex act

Know what you want. Are you looking for someone to act as your sub for spanking and bondage? Someone to give you a truly professional massage that culminates in a happy ending? Someone to take out to dinner before retiring for private time? Figure out what your ideal scenario is and then look for someone who specializes in it. Maybe you found an escort you think is super hot, but since you only want a massage, you’d like to pay her half her usual rate. Maybe you love the look of a certain hung dominant, but are only interested in him being your bottom. Fantasize all you like, but leave it at that.

Civilians think that the world of sex commerce is a free-for-all with no limits, and that’s true inasmuch as it’s true of all our capitalist endeavors: You can surely find someone selling whatever you want to buy. But you don’t need to convince someone who isn’t selling it to be the one selling it to you. Surprise! Don’t trust the word of a bunch of review-board dudes over what your provider his or herself actually tells you on their website, or directly in your communication.